Woman signals life is falling apart with dramatic new micro bangs

Stephanie Jubela, 28, of Raleigh, NC, released photographs Thursday of her shocking new haircut: micro bangs.

“We’re honestly stunned,” said friends London Mariani and Mila Ashfield. “We had no idea things were so rough for her. Then we saw her story.”

“I just needed a change,” Jubela said, when asked for comment, “I thought like, maybe therapy instead? But this was cheaper and I really LOVE it.”

This reporter would like to note that Jubela choked up when she said “love it.”

Jubela reportedly visited Blunt Cut, a salon and weed dispensary, on September 30th and requested haircut services from stylist, Nerissa Foerster Diaz. “I told her I didn’t recommend it,” said Foerster Diaz, a haunted look in their eyes, “She has a pecan-shaped face and really, the only person I’ve ever seen pull that look off is Rooney Mara…but she paired it with Lisbeth Salandar lip piercings, not an identity crisis.”

As of this writing, Mariani and Ashfield shared that they’re planning a Zoom intervention. They’re asking the public to please donate to the “Get Steph Therapy” Go Fund Me if you were moved by this story.